So I don't even know what to write. It's like there is so much and nothing. Nothing that REALLY matters. Writing is therapeutic though. So I'm going to release a little anxiety through writing. Blergh. One thing that I've thought about recently is ingratitude. Someone I know recently posted about visiting their babies grave and shared a tiny bit about heaven and their daughter being there. Then some others I know were posting about this great vacation they were on. It got me thinking, how easy it is to not need God when all our children are healthy and we are having a good time. How easy it is for me to be to lazy to pray in gratitude in the evening because all my kids are safely tucked away and my husband is alive and well right next to me. How easy it is for me to not study the scriptures and prepare myself for next time I go out into the world. How easy it is for me to skip mentioning my faith because I am to embarrassed. Maybe this is why tragedy must happen sometimes. To bring us to our knees. As I read the scriptures more and more it keeps it in my mind more and more how much God does not want to let us suffer. Like when he sends prophets for years and years begging for the people to change. Telling them that even an inkling of faith could save them. But the cities are destroyed eventually anyway. Is it because we are so blessed sometimes that we forget? We have sex, and friends, and things that make us feel good. Why would we need God?
So anyway I have been pretty down in the dumps negative this past couple weeks. Wah wah wah. But also been reading at the same time and thinking "yeah all they need to do is pray and serve! Just listen and you'll find your way!" Rooting for all these people in the Book of Mormon and Bible but then forgetting to apply it to my life. I need to get on my knees and ask for gratitude, and work on it myself. I know I will be and can be happier.
P.S. I was sitting here enjoying the chinese food smell and then I saw my baby standing there. There is no chinese food in my house. Diarrhea baby! Bleh!
