Of Two Minds

My hubs and I recently watched "Of Two Minds". Lincoln's Mom had always told me that Lincoln is Bi-polar and I need to watch out for it. Nope nope nope not so. That man is so emotionally balanced and logical it's crazy. But...I could totally relate to the people in the documentary. On a less extreme level. I'd say things were much crazier in my teens. One moment I'm sneaking out the window, getting a mohawk, and hanging out in this dudes I named Iggins garage until 3 a.m. I am on top of the world and invincible! Turns out his name was really Max. And he also became my best friend's high school boyfriend. Ok off subject, the next minute I'm laying in bed for 3 days straight sleeping with my brain going a mile a minute and working myself into a panic attack. I just wanted to get away from that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach! 

Anyways I hadn't really felt the effects in while so while we were watching the movie I was like "oh yeah! I'm a crazer craze too!" I hadn't felt it in a while because I've been on Prozac. When pregnant with Baby Z I was having such extreme levels of anxiety I was hiding under the cushions of the couch trying to disappear. So my doc recommended prozac. It worked really well until I forgot to take it for a day and then I would be super pissy and angry. So now that Z is 18 months old and my anxiety seems pretty level Lincoln wanted me to try getting off the prozac. So I was like "Ok sure, but watch out I'm probably gonna eat yer face." So I stopped taking it. And guess what? I didn't feel out of control angry. And I still don't unless I am overwhelmed by noise, questions, or instructions. But that is just me, prozac or no prozac. 

So what can I say about my Bi-polar now that I've been off the prozac for a while? I've had a little insomnia. A little paranoia(but I did watch "Paranormal Witness" so it's debatable that it's linked to prozac at all.;) I've had lack of motivation to do housework. I've had increased motivation to learn and read. I've had more energy and felt more happiness. I'm much more goofy and less solemn and strict. Less nightmares. Overall I'm liking having me back. And since there is only a slight increase in anxiety it's no problem. 

How does having a label for my personality change things? It doesn't! Not one bit. I've had therapy for the past 10 years and so I am always on top of keeping things balanced and I'm able to work through struggles in a healthy way. My therapist did at one point diagnose me as "borderline manic." I think that is right on. Doesn't mean I can't reach my goals in life I totally can.

Also, if you've seen the documentary music can be that powerful. I actually steer clear of certain music at certain times for that reason. Suddenly your mania can shoot through the roof and you'll be dancing like there is no tomorrow and spending money and having sex with strangers. Yikes!