Ultrasound

Tomorrow we schedule our ultrasound. I don't know why I feel so nervous. Well I do. One thing is that I have 3 boys and 1 girl. I think it's probably going to be a boy....but what if.....it's a girl! I mean, I wanted a girl last time and I got Z. A boy. But I just like him so much. SO I know it'll be fine. But I just don't want to feel disappointed because of the sex. 

Also, I had a procedure done just before getting pregnant that can compromise the cervix. So I'm nervous about being on bed rest for weeks on end. Good thing Is that I can feel this babe wrigglin' around like a worm in my guts. I know we'll be ok and I'll just be happy to see a healthy ultrasound and hear a strong heartbeat.

Fonzilla's Thrifty Threads

So my sister in law just turned me on to instagram. I have a ton of hand me down's and my closet is overflowing. Apparently it's a big deal on there to do a little thrift shop. So I opened my own. It's under fonzillasthriftythreads if you are interested in checking it out. While browsing I scored a couple adorable belts. The ones pictured below in yellow and leopard. Can't wait to receive them. :)

I got them from elliejacobs04

Rabbits

We recently had two litters of bunnies! We are practicing for when we get some acreage and raise pigs, sheep, rabbits, and chickens. They are so cute. When people ask me about it they either seem very surprised at the idea of meat rabbits or say something like "They're good eatin'!". I don't feel bad butchering and eating them. WE raise them "happy". They are fed often. Mostly alfalfa pellets and hay. And we have a little rabbit run where we let them get exercise, dig, and nibble. Anyway I took some easter pictures of the older batch. I'm leaving the younger ones alone since they were born 2 weeks early and I want to give them time to get strong(and cute). Baby rabbits look like naked mole rats for a while. We lost one entire batch of 8 babies do to an error with a heating lamp. But we learned and are positive for the future litters. Enjoy the pictures!

Pinewood Derby

We used his car from last year. It got him 3rd place. I just re-painted it. We forgot about the derby until last minute. :( This year it won him 2nd place! Yay! He also got the "most futuristic" award. It does look kind of alien or Ga Ga(same thing I guess).

He raced two races with four runs. He won first place in all those runs which got him into the finals. In the final he got 1st place in the first race. 2nd place in the 2nd race. I missed the 3rd. Then he got 3rd in the fourth and final race. Which got him second place over all. The other kid beat him by .04 second. The winners car was really fast. A's was close behind though! Good job!!

Random Thoughts

So I don't even know what to write. It's like there is so much and nothing. Nothing that REALLY matters. Writing is therapeutic though. So I'm going to release a little anxiety through writing. Blergh. One thing that I've thought about recently is ingratitude. Someone I know recently posted about visiting their babies grave and shared a tiny bit about heaven and their daughter being there. Then some others I know were posting about this great vacation they were on. It got me thinking, how easy it is to not need God when all our children are healthy and we are having a good time. How easy it is for me to be to lazy to pray in gratitude in the evening because all my kids are safely tucked away and my husband is alive and well right next to me. How easy it is for me to not study the scriptures and prepare myself for next time I go out into the world. How easy it is for me to skip mentioning my faith because I am to embarrassed. Maybe this is why tragedy must happen sometimes. To bring us to our knees. As I read the scriptures more and more it keeps it in my mind more and more how much God does not want to let us suffer. Like when he sends prophets for years and years begging for the people to change. Telling them that even an inkling of faith could save them. But the cities are destroyed eventually anyway. Is it because we are so blessed sometimes that we forget? We have sex, and friends, and things that make us feel good. Why would we need God?

So anyway I have been pretty down in the dumps negative this past couple weeks. Wah wah wah. But also been reading at the same time and thinking "yeah all they need to do is pray and serve! Just listen and you'll find your way!" Rooting for all these people in the Book of Mormon and Bible but then forgetting to apply it to my life. I need to get on my knees and ask for gratitude, and work on it myself. I know I will be and can be happier. 

P.S. I was sitting here enjoying the chinese food smell and then I saw my baby standing there. There is no chinese food in my house. Diarrhea baby! Bleh!

 

Of Two Minds

My hubs and I recently watched "Of Two Minds". Lincoln's Mom had always told me that Lincoln is Bi-polar and I need to watch out for it. Nope nope nope not so. That man is so emotionally balanced and logical it's crazy. But...I could totally relate to the people in the documentary. On a less extreme level. I'd say things were much crazier in my teens. One moment I'm sneaking out the window, getting a mohawk, and hanging out in this dudes I named Iggins garage until 3 a.m. I am on top of the world and invincible! Turns out his name was really Max. And he also became my best friend's high school boyfriend. Ok off subject, the next minute I'm laying in bed for 3 days straight sleeping with my brain going a mile a minute and working myself into a panic attack. I just wanted to get away from that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach! 

Anyways I hadn't really felt the effects in while so while we were watching the movie I was like "oh yeah! I'm a crazer craze too!" I hadn't felt it in a while because I've been on Prozac. When pregnant with Baby Z I was having such extreme levels of anxiety I was hiding under the cushions of the couch trying to disappear. So my doc recommended prozac. It worked really well until I forgot to take it for a day and then I would be super pissy and angry. So now that Z is 18 months old and my anxiety seems pretty level Lincoln wanted me to try getting off the prozac. So I was like "Ok sure, but watch out I'm probably gonna eat yer face." So I stopped taking it. And guess what? I didn't feel out of control angry. And I still don't unless I am overwhelmed by noise, questions, or instructions. But that is just me, prozac or no prozac. 

So what can I say about my Bi-polar now that I've been off the prozac for a while? I've had a little insomnia. A little paranoia(but I did watch "Paranormal Witness" so it's debatable that it's linked to prozac at all.;) I've had lack of motivation to do housework. I've had increased motivation to learn and read. I've had more energy and felt more happiness. I'm much more goofy and less solemn and strict. Less nightmares. Overall I'm liking having me back. And since there is only a slight increase in anxiety it's no problem. 

How does having a label for my personality change things? It doesn't! Not one bit. I've had therapy for the past 10 years and so I am always on top of keeping things balanced and I'm able to work through struggles in a healthy way. My therapist did at one point diagnose me as "borderline manic." I think that is right on. Doesn't mean I can't reach my goals in life I totally can.

Also, if you've seen the documentary music can be that powerful. I actually steer clear of certain music at certain times for that reason. Suddenly your mania can shoot through the roof and you'll be dancing like there is no tomorrow and spending money and having sex with strangers. Yikes!

A Bald Bumble

I love curls. I've always wanted to have kids with super curly hair. My daughter was born and was bald until she was a year. then her hair finally started growing. Gorgeous golden ringlets sprouted. I never cut her hair except once I gave her some cute bangs. Then, dundundun, one day when she was 4 she decided to give herself a haircut. It wasn't to bad. But bad enough that I fixed it up into a kind of crazy European cut. It looked cool, but those curls were gone. 

These are pictures of her before the haircut. It was sad because she thought it was going to look amazing and then when she saw it she cried and cried. I think she was probably imagining something out of a magazine. Not reality. So a little later I sent her off to have a visit with her Dad. He decided she would look better with a mohawk. She didn't. She came home and looked in the mirror and told me to just shave it. So I did. Curls are dead. 

After that the curls never really grew back.

See, no curls. There is a bit of natural wave though.

I still had hope as I became pregnant with my second child. But nope, no curls. Straight as straight can be. But he does have GORGEOUS highlights. I love it when his hair grows long.

Next is my step son. Straight!

So shortly after marrying my husband we became pregnant. Well, I became pregnant. But he helped a little bit. I had my fingers crossed. There are some major curls going on in his family. Yeah he was born with curls! This is his curly top recently...

Just look at that ringlet right up front! Beautimus! He has got this crazy cowlick right on top that looks like a wave crashing. I love it. It almost looks rockabilly. Well I've just really enjoyed doing his hair. But so have his siblings. Which was great until 2 days ago. My 4 year old decided that he was going to give our little Bumble a mohawk......with spray adhesive. It wouldn't wash out and it stunk to high heaven. It was starting to look liek matted dog fur. So we made a hard choice. bzzzzzz......

Doesn't his big brother look so proud of destroying little Bumble's mane?